(picture taken from

i guess, i know it hurts.

seeing you today with a smile plastered on your face after a long time, actually hurts.
it’s absurd, but i know the whole reason. you like someone, don’t you? i always see you with her, after class, you wanting to take her home, and her genuine smile saying “no, i’m fine. really! just go home, be safe!” and you’ll grin like no other while hopping happily back to your car.

i know the songs that you sing and perform on stage are about heartbreak, but are you entitled to feel it too? it’s unfair, i guess. people see you as a heartbroken band member who expresses how he feels through the strum of his guitar and every note he sang. while in reality, he’s as in love as others, as silly as others, as happy as others.

i can’t judge.

my feelings differ. i feel, kind of, empty? hence i’m so deeply in love but i don’t, i can’t do anything to omit it nor to express it. avoiding your songs and listening to old songs by the script was the agenda for today. then i’ll switch to kodaline, then coldplay, then maybe i’ll remember that you’ve covered some of them. then maybe i’ll sleep. i’ll try to forget.
i tried looking up today – at the sky – after looking down for so long trying to hide what i was feeling. weird thing was i didn’t know what i felt at all. was it disappointment? or was it heartbreak? i can’t differentiate.. i’ve never fallen so deep that i had to experience those at the same time.

i saw the stars, amazing that it was shining so brightly. i have always been fond of them. do you believe what people say about them, the stars? they say that when you see one shining so brightly, it means that someone is happy. i recall seeing one today, and i believe that you were the one happy. i was the only person who held the proof that you were happy that night, made me feel some kind of special. even though i won’t feel as special as the one being the reason. nevertheless, i hope the stars keep on shining. i hope you’re at least, smiling. i hope one day, i can be too. for now, only you will be enough.
it will be.

ivy is a being who is lost in the erratic world of fiction, carrying so much indescribable feelings at heart. she finds comfort in acoustics, car rides, loving and dreaming about people she will never encounter.

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